Monday, 2 February 2015
Why you should test-drive your partner before marriage
Dr. Biodun Ogungbo
I’m gonna marry her anyway
(Marry that girl) Marry her anyway
(Marry that girl) Yeah no matter what you say
(Marry that girl) And we’ll be a family: Magic! — Rude Lyrics
When I had my first kiss with my girlfriend number one, I could still feel the tingling on my lips hours later. It was like a million exploding stars. I swear I did not eat that night and did not wash my face the next day. I was in love for sure!
When I met number 2, I was smitten with her seemingly timeless beauty. I was in love and I thought she felt the same at that time. I tried to kiss her but got a slap for my efforts. It stung but I laughed it off. I was in love, regardless!
But I did not marry either of them. Number One was interested in a rich, older, sophisticated man: her college lecturer. She knew I was not the one and I was downhearted for a long time. The wounds were healed by Number Two till we both realised that we could not be happy together, not if we want it forever. You see, no matter how hard we tried, I could not take her to heaven. You know what I mean!
Real love is mutual, reciprocal and fulfilling. So, when I met my wife, I knew what love was and how it should be. I knew exactly what I wanted and knew not to settle for less. A woman who ticked all the boxes and more was exactly the woman of my dreams. I was not about to settle for less or compromise on any aspects. As they say, life is like a bus-stop. If you board a bus, you can get off, at, or even before the final destination. The journey is what you make of it and the company you keep on the bus sure helps.
A partner that makes the journey exciting and exhilarating keeps you on the bus till the very end. Choosing the right partner is therefore vital. Do not settle for less than you deserve: not for fame or for all the money in the world! As Oprah Winfrey says, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
Almost all Americans have sex before marrying, according to premarital sex research that shows such behaviour is the norm in the U.S. and has been for the past 50 years. The new study shows that by age 20, 75 per cent of Americans have had pre-marital sex. That number rises to 95 per cent by age 44. These statistics are, perhaps, significantly different for Nigeria. However, there should be a clear distinction between teenage sex and pre-marital sex. This article is not about teenage sex!
For those who are of age and ready for a serious relationship with a view to marriage, test- driving your partner and ironing out the kinks may save a time of misery. Many people today feel that you should try out your partner before marriage. ‘Pre-marital sex is normal behaviour and has been for decades,’ says researcher Lawrence Finer, director of domestic research at the Guttmacher Institute.
One important reason for marriage is the sex. It has got to be great for both partners. This can keep you on the bus for life! Sexual compatibility and satisfying sex is vital in relationships. You need a partner who makes you smile in anticipation in the afternoon (when life is stressful) and who you can turn to at night for endless pleasure. If it is not happening (if you are not happy at night), it is not going to be long-lasting, as frustration builds up and explosions occur in the divorce courts.
Women are from Venus
We asked some women to debate the value of pre-marital sex recently. All of them have heard or know someone who is unhappy in their marriage. They are sexually frustrated either because of the size of the man’s member (usually too small!), erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or just plain poor performance in bed. ‘A man who does not know how to bring out the fireworks is not going to be around for long,’ said one.
Men are from Mars
We asked some men about the same and their thoughts were completely different. They would want to check that the woman is fertile and able to bear children before marriage. So for many, it is not the sex so much as the ability to procreate. Similarly, a man with poor sperm count and infertility can be difficult for some women to tolerate.
Test-drive your partner
One way to avoid it is to know your partner intimately, know that you can achieve great sex together and know that you are compatible: able to live together happily ever after. Sharing time with your partner and seeing that you are a perfect fit is desirable before marriage.
Okay, this is not even my opinion but it’s open to debate!
Your comments are welcome